8/5/22 10:21 PM

Another two week work week. I'm tired. My spirit is not broken though. Recently took a weekend beach trip where I had more fun than I ever had in my life ever. That helps a lot. Spent way too much, but I don't regret it. I had an experience that has got me and my wife planning out another trip next year. I find myself feeling yet another new thing. The true sensation of looking forward to specific tangible things in the future. I won't lie. I spent the majority of my 20s Struggling one way or another. I always looked forward to things very short term and long term just had the energy to look forward to vague concepts like "I look forward to having a job". It was just too much energy to be that excited for things further out than a month. Now I can feel things the way I think I'm supposed to. I think I will try to actively look for things to be excited about.

One concern here that popped up over this weekend trip was the fact that I am now thinking 24/7. I'm happy I have things to look forward to yes, but this trip was so nice I did not think at all. This absence of thought was so promenent I realized that my head is constantly flowing. I am thinking of work, how many days until I have some off time again, how many hours I got until I have to go to bed, how I need to save up money, will we retire, what odd jobs I need done, what projects I want to start (I want to start making discord bots. More on that as it develops), what games look cool, I need to get back into Gundam. It's quite a lot. I think meditation is the key, but I never had this problem before so I dont know how to do it. If anyone reading is familiar with it feel free to hit me up. I could use some pointers or guidance.

To end this thought train on a high note while at the beach I saw a ferris wheel with lights on at night. I was watching it and realized that the lights wer pride flag colors. I know it might be silly but seeing a massive ferris wheel lit up in the trans pride colors was really special. I just sat a while and watch the colors cycle through. It left me feeling great.